What the Seeker Found

07.10.2004 | David Walley | Fiction & Fables | 1 Comment
Once upon a time in a city far away there was a Seeker who’d been on the Path forever it seemed to him. At various times he’d been a Zen Buddhist, a Taoist, a vegetarian, a macrobiotic, and even an Mason. But no matter how close he came to The Light, he never found the right spectacles with which to view it. It was very frustrating: this bunch was too militant, that bunch too authoritarian. Another demanded he shave his head and wear saffron robes even though he was allergic. Most galling was that he still had not found his significant Spiritual Other if only because he never had the time to look.

Having finally reached a spiritual dead end, The Seeker was contemplating the Final Adventure by gas one afternoon when he found to his chagrin that he’d been disconnected. Undaunted, he reached for the sash of his prayer robe to fashion a noose, but the cords unraveled. On his way to the window to defenestrate himself, he spied on top of his beloved periodical pile a supermarket shopper and an ad which read:

Tired of Everything?
Tried Everything?
Let Swami Rama Goomba WORK FOR YOU!
(No freaks, lezzies or bi’s please!)

Taking this as a sign, The Seeker phoned and made an appointment to meet the great Swami at a trendy cafe frequented by tax accountants, lawyers, and well-heeled commodity traders. Through suspicious of such impure places, he entered and found the object of his quest, a round little man with twinkling eyes and a salt and pepper beard. He didn’t look like A Great Swami, but these days you never know.

“Are you Swami Rama Goomba,” inquired The Seeker fearfully.

“I can be but you may call me Ace. What can I do for you?”

Needing no further prompting, the Seeker unburdened himself of his metaphysical dread while Ace listened and stroked his well-manicured beard. After 10 minutes of nonstop agony, Ace held up his hand,” It appears that your journey to enlightenment has burned you out some. You must remember that there are many paths which lead to the same goal—”

“Does yours require any special diets or exercises,” interjected The Seeker.” Do I have to shave my head again?”

“None of the above.”

“Do I have to give you a large sum of non-refundable money for my initiatory robes?”

“‘86 the robes, kid, and you don’t even have to pay me. I suggest you cut out all this seeker crap and find yourself a job you like. Most probably you will meet a girl and maybe you’ll get lucky. More importantly, shun all your former colleagues on the path and look for illumination in the ordinary because in the end, you have to live in the real world.”

Refreshed and renewed, The Seeker returned to his apartment, threw out all his New Age tomes, and whitewashed his walls obliterating the sacred purple. After some effort, he found himself a job in the local co-op bookstore where he met a girl named Lorrette who he married. Now he has two children and manages the store.

MORAL: Enlightenment goes by many names, one of them can be  Lorrette.

This is shall we say, not the brightest seeker I've seen.
07.11.2004 | Rodney

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